2017

I’d like to start by wishing you a happy 2017. May world peace and eternal happiness be forth coming! #optimist

2017 is only 3 days old and I’ve come to the biggest realisation in years. It’s a feeling I’ve had for a while but that I wasn’t able to properly voice or explain until now.

In a few days my blog will be 4 years old (#congratulations) and in those 4 years my life has known many changes and I’ve shared them all with you. As you well know, I became a mother almost 3 years ago and life hasn’t been the same since. I love my kids to death but three years of being either pregnant or on a diet while being sleep deprived has taken it’s toll.

I haven’t felt like myself in a while. Especially since I’ve gone back to work. Being an introvert, it’s always difficult to start teaching at a new school, but this year round it seemed even more daunting than ever. Like I’ve gone about this one to many times and I just don’t have the energy to do it all over again.

While I got my household affairs and the care for my kids in order, schoolwork and hobbies fell to the background, as did taking care of myself.

I’ve been struggling with my body for the past 11 months. I’ve gained weight since I gave birth, so I can’t really blame the baby. And while I don’t think I’m fat or unhealthy, this body just doesn’t feel like my own. I thought it would get better but it doesn’t. Especially since in my mind I’m still as skinny as I was pre-baby (or in between babies). My aesthetics haven’t changed either, but what once made me feel da bomb, now looks ridiculous.

All in all, I’m going through a major identity crisis style wise.

While a non-sewist would just go shopping and try out new outfits, I felt obliged to sew every single one of my garments. Needless to say this wasn’t happening, especially since I was sewing out of necessity rather than fun. I was sewing because I needed new clothes to wear. Which limited my projects to either fast fashion, finished in an evening or failed garments because I didn’t have to energy to sew a muslin.

I noticed that my sewjo was fading and that I was only sewing when I forced myself to. I felt guilty when I just wanted to watch TV or read a book. I felt like I had no time at all to sew, but when I did, I procrastinated so long, that there wasn’t any time left to actually sew. It didn’t stop me from planning and buying fabric though and I thought that if I bought just the right piece of fabric all my problems would be solved.

Obviously that didn’t happen. So I realised that feeling bad about a self imposed rule/agreement/deadline is just foolish. I shouldn’t feel bad because I’d rather watch tv than sew.

So I’ve decided to start 2017 afresh. I’ve cleared away all my sewing machines, made myself a little reading nook, occupied some more desk space for schoolwork, because I need a sewing break. I need to break this vicious cycle. I need to want to sew instead of having to sew.

I still love sewing, just not now and not for this body. That being said, this blogpost might just be the kick in the butt I needed to get my sewjo back, but if it isn’t, so be it.

I’ll still read blogs and sewing magazines and drool over fabric, I’ll just slow it down to what I truly feel like doing.

That was it!

xoxo

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3 thoughts on “2017

  1. I wish I could come over for a sewing party, and to give a hand with the adorable kiddos! It sounds like a good decision though – no point pushing through for even longer! I”m positive the sewjo will come back eventually.

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  2. I understand exactly what you mean. I went through the same feeling.
    After my son was born it took me at least 1,5 year before I found fun in sewing again.
    You need time and peace of mind to sew or to think about what your next project will be.
    I love to read your blogs and I always wondered how you could find time to sew with all the things going on in your life.
    Keep breathing, take a break,rest!
    Sewing is in your dna so you will never loose the love for it.

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  3. I understand how you feel. After my pregnancy, my body just didn’t feel like my own, especially as I felt that I kept gaining weight. I tried to love my body as it was, but it just didn’t happen because I didn’t recognise it.
    I’ve managed to counter the feeling since (mainly by a lifestyle change, and the challenge of maintaining my body as is now), so I hope 2017 is the year where you counter the feeling and rediscover your sewjo (and I confess, along the way I invested in some pieces and made lots of cardigans 😊)

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